I always thought that I was strong
But with everything that happened
I was proven wrong,
I’m lonely yet I push people away,
They would never understand me
Because it’s my problem,
I have to deal with it on my own anyway.
I was a pocket full of sunshine,
Always happy and jolly
But then fate decided to play me
It changed me completely
Every event was turning up against me
Everything was falling apart
The person whom I thought would be there betrayed me
And left me with a broken heart
You see, I am surrounded with people, colleagues, family and friends
Yet I still feel lonely.
I never spoke to them about it
because I was ashamed, honestly.
I didn’t want them to know
That I’ve been battling my demons
And losing unluckily.
I wanted to talk to strangers
Someone who doesnt know me personally
Someone I may never meet
So they can’t ever judge me
I started talking to online random strangers
And tried to share my story
Sadly, I found out nobody was interested
Mostly they’re just horny.
But one stood out from the rest,
He helped me a lot, he was the best.
We spoke and flirted
And forgot that I was sad
He proved to me not all people on the internet are bad.
It’s been a year and he helped me a lot
But in return, I messed up my shot.
You see, we never met in person,
He’s on the other side of the world.
He was a blessing sent from above,
I actually thought it was love
When we talk, I am happy
But as time goes by I realized,
I was just lonely.
The fact that he was there,
I thought everything was alright
But at the end of the day,
I still find myself crying at night.
He wanted to come to me
And pop up THE question.
I got scared and overwhelmed,
I have never actually met him,
I think I already mentioned
I told him I wasnt ready
And the answer would be No,
I tried to explain
But he didnt want to know.
I don’t understand myself,
I pushed him away.
Now here I am alone again,
Trying to survive the day.
I know that you are judging me,
But I had to do it anyway.
I don’t want to hurt him more
If I asked him to stay
I’m pretty sure it was a mistake,
But an angels heart was at stake
I can’t even love myself,
Much more love someone else.
I thought I was a fighter
That I’ve always been strong
But with everything that I am doing,
I already proved myself wrong.
I am weak and lost
I chose the wrong path to cross
I have to fix myself
And do it on my own.
I know there’s something wrong with me
I have to figure it out
It’s not going to be easy
That’s for sure without a doubt
With every cowards choice I made,
I was for damn sure I wasnt strong
But time has came that I need to prove myself wrong.