qualm down


I went from a new girl to an old mind, never to school dances
But to the city of chances right out of college.
Never taking chances, in the city that might be new,
But old were the reasons that led me to him.
Soon, my parents found him, who was just right, in inches, wages, and skin.
Two acquaintances, we wed; mere friends, we raised
Our children of two, working, eating, barely talking, barely sleeping.
We brought up the perfect household and family that was the
dream of those before us. We led as we were meant to,
the anxiety-free movie script intertwined so deep that it could be
mistaken as our lives. The songs and laughs of the past forgotten, my lips
That had never closed in my youth were locked,
No longer having the love that my heart ached for, for both others and for life.
I’d worked hard, passed on risks and living itself; what was this feeling
That brought worries that rang true? That my oldest mate would bid adieu
Years before me, tumbling down the stairs, alone;
that my oldest child would pass chance like me but not problems;
That my youngest would shun me because I still lived the way my mother thought I should.
That their happiness would lead to the man I brought myself to love
To leave without closing the door, how rude, to let the future walk right in?
My skin stretched, sagged, like my desperate mind as I pieced together what was missing;
At ninety-six I knew this old story, this new fear,
Yet the ones I bore and loved had turned away decades ago.
Just know that if you look at life like it’ll hit you,
It just might.

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