When I was younger I would watch out the window as it rained. I would get excited as I watched the raindrops race down the window. But When the blood from my wrist started racing down my arm it wasn’t as exciting as watching raindrops race. It didn’t create this feeling of excitement and joy inside me but ,rather the feeling of hopelessness and loss. The feeling of not knowing what to do next. My head and my life had always been so organized up until that point. All the memories in my brain had been sorted exactly how I need them to be sorted. And at that moment when I saw blood racing down into my hand in the dim light my lamp was shining. Everything scattered. Memories of happiness, and family vacations, holidays with my grandparents... they all scattered. My brain got just a little more mixed up than I would have liked. After a few days, it started raining again. I looked out the window and down at my left wrist. Seeing the raindrops race down the window no longer created joy and excitement inside of me. It showed me a new memory I might have in the near future. The memory of seeing the look of disappointment on my parents face. The memory of being asked why I did it? The memory of not being looked at the same. I will forever see my wrist and think of the rain racing down the window and how it used to make me so happy and how it just doesn’t anymore.