rainy days
Im sitting outside in the daylight waiting for the bus when it starts to rain and i run to find cover when i stumble through a puddle and look down through the murky ripples to see my face, a face I've come to hate, that i've gotten tired of its so plain, my name twists on my tongue. Basic, flavorless, plain, always plain like everything about me
The bus passes by, splashing water droplets through the air a gust of icy wind blows through my hair im frozen looking into the reflection of my face that doesn't seem like mine i feel like an imposter the more i stare the more lost i get into my mind, a lair of self evaluation and mental depreciation sending me through a journey of self-worth, a battle im sure to lose, a trip i cant return from, im lacking in self-love, like an ill fitting glove.
I study my eyes dull, and grey a faded blue, my hair a plain simplistic brown the drained color from my icy skin a ghostly white, my face shaped, round and chubby, freckles scattered across my nose mocking me like a hidden smile twisting and stabbing into my heart sharp like a blade shattering my illusion of confidence with each moment feeding into my piling despair im running out of room
The rain pours down on my shivering form and i study my arms short and flabby as i wipe the rain mixed tears from my face staring into my reflection as I've come to see not myself but a stranger staring back at me the harder i stare the more my reflection stairs back at me starting to move and twist becoming unrecognizable as i sink deeper into my trance in search for empty validation and fulfillment an unobtainable goal always just out of reach mocking me as my heart starts to bleed slowly with each tear and squeeze breaking and falling into an endless abyss of self-pity, and self loathing a war at which i lose every time, but “it gets better” they say “shadows of support in disguise” soon they take their true form as they become pillars of blame lacking understanding sinking me deeper as im losing feeling my eyes begin to shut i start to give up despair pumping through my blood
Falling into a dark sea endlessly drifting as the words echo through my mind shadows of the whispers float around me. I can feel myself sinking deeper into the self-pity I try to escape from. the suffocating feeling that makes me feel like I'll drown. The noise is too loud to catch my breath, the water too deep to kick off the bottom just as I'm ready to die a shadow pulls me up, lifting me out of the water and throwing me ashore, as I take a greedy breath crawling onto the beach. It starts to rain, the drops graze my face, still round, still plain but, I have a feeling it “might be” okay. I've always liked rainy days.
-"We are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else." - Anne Burton
The bus passes by, splashing water droplets through the air a gust of icy wind blows through my hair im frozen looking into the reflection of my face that doesn't seem like mine i feel like an imposter the more i stare the more lost i get into my mind, a lair of self evaluation and mental depreciation sending me through a journey of self-worth, a battle im sure to lose, a trip i cant return from, im lacking in self-love, like an ill fitting glove.
I study my eyes dull, and grey a faded blue, my hair a plain simplistic brown the drained color from my icy skin a ghostly white, my face shaped, round and chubby, freckles scattered across my nose mocking me like a hidden smile twisting and stabbing into my heart sharp like a blade shattering my illusion of confidence with each moment feeding into my piling despair im running out of room
The rain pours down on my shivering form and i study my arms short and flabby as i wipe the rain mixed tears from my face staring into my reflection as I've come to see not myself but a stranger staring back at me the harder i stare the more my reflection stairs back at me starting to move and twist becoming unrecognizable as i sink deeper into my trance in search for empty validation and fulfillment an unobtainable goal always just out of reach mocking me as my heart starts to bleed slowly with each tear and squeeze breaking and falling into an endless abyss of self-pity, and self loathing a war at which i lose every time, but “it gets better” they say “shadows of support in disguise” soon they take their true form as they become pillars of blame lacking understanding sinking me deeper as im losing feeling my eyes begin to shut i start to give up despair pumping through my blood
Falling into a dark sea endlessly drifting as the words echo through my mind shadows of the whispers float around me. I can feel myself sinking deeper into the self-pity I try to escape from. the suffocating feeling that makes me feel like I'll drown. The noise is too loud to catch my breath, the water too deep to kick off the bottom just as I'm ready to die a shadow pulls me up, lifting me out of the water and throwing me ashore, as I take a greedy breath crawling onto the beach. It starts to rain, the drops graze my face, still round, still plain but, I have a feeling it “might be” okay. I've always liked rainy days.
-"We are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else." - Anne Burton
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