Raw Reality

Waking again to the Raw Reality that your gone.
I tell myself every moment you will call but you don't.
I wait daily to hear your voice just one more time.
I use my answering machine instead, it gives me momentarily calm.
I am going on each day doing the same routine.
Smiling, pretending all is okay, helping others to ease the Pain.
It never goes away.
I beg God at moments to give you back to me but than I remember.
You were given to me by him a bundle of blue.
Oh Jason Clark its mom again trying to move on without you.
I must be honest I am not doing a very good job.
Please dont be disappointed in me but this is one of the hardest thing I've ever been through.
So as my day begins. So does my tears, my pain inside rears its ugly face.
Hitting me like a train.
So I love you, I miss you and Im trying to make you proud.
I know your day and days in heaven can't even match any day here.
Have a good day Son.
I love you...
Love mom

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This Poems Story

My oldest son was killed in November 2017. He and I had just reunited after 33 years apart.