Reaching Out to God

Beautiful, strong, intelligent, loyal, independent, paid, confused.
These are the words I see when reflecting on me.
Loving, happy, committed, tender, and kind
are other words that were once there but now are distant from me.
Maybe it's because my arms stay empty without a child's embrace.
Or maybe it's because my bed stays empty
each man is dealt with case by case, only to be released
again, and again, and again, and again.
This game has no end.
This race has made me so tired.
My desire to expire overwhelms every part of my being.
A 45 year old life on this earth with no purpose,
no hope, no child, no meaning.
45 years of love and commitment given and never returned,
and the love that was briefly borrowed was never truly earned.
A beautiful child of God living on this earth
without her beautiful man, an overwhelming day to day chore
that's becoming more than I can stand.
Father, I'm tired of being alone.
Your beautiful queen wanders your creation without a home.
Days become just as long as night with no happiness in sight.
Heavenly Father, I know you want me to win,
but I wander if you will forgive me
when my depleted soul decides to give in.

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