I overthink because I can't help but compare to the past
I mean isn't that why we learn history?
So we learn from our mistakes
And don't make the same ones?
So we don't put our heart out on the table for someone to ram a nail through and hammer it in a few times for good measure
And no matter how hard we try we can't get our fingers around it to pull it out
Because this mistrust is buried deep into my heart and I'm trying to get it out for you so I can show you that I trust you but my fingers keep slipping on the blood from the past because some of my wounds haven't healed yet because they never will.
Because I don't belong to a group or a clique
And sometimes I can't meet my own eyes in the mirror because I'm disappointed with what I see
And I make a phone call at 7 o'clock each day because the voice on the other end tells me it's all gonna be okay and he makes me smile and he makes me laugh and he makes the weight on my shoulders start to disappear
And then I say something and the smile on his face is wiped away
Because I'm overthinking again
Or my jealousy is back
But what do you expect when you have a screw up in your hands who's not even confident in her own skin
And it shouldn't bother me
Because I know you love me
But there's still that nail in my heart and I think ones in my brain too because when I feel something in my heart there's a thought process and it doesn't stop because I'm too messed up in the head to comprehend a lot of subjects and I'm not a very social person
Sometimes I dress the same color as the bricks just to feel as if I blend in with something