Revenge

They say the best revenge is to improve yourself

to give credence to this sentiment awhile,

after the break-up, the time wasted,

after the tears shed and resultant emotional decimation

after the vows taken and broken

Fifteen years, fifteen years of time together as a useless token

I will never get it back, to have and to hold

holding on for my son that needs to be a man

who best to teach him than his Dad I reason

I will keep another seven years I tell my delusional self:

keep his household,

keep his financial burdens due to his lay off,

keep our children fed and secure,

keep quite and be demure

In my solitude to stave off the desolation

with only the occasional rants as communication

What went wrong I wonder

Am I a bad wife or

Is this just a bad life I will wake up from?

a happy family we fake when company we meet

do they not see: the distance apart, the silence we impart

the attention he lavishes on the maid

after all that, it was meant to be over and done

Will he now gauge my worth after he lost me?

No! He moved on with a younger one as he boasts

The children he fought for was left without care

for I dared to raise three on my own as I made the tide turn

I spun self doubt and fear into gold: our success

What is revenge worth?

I seek not to improve myself for frivolous aspirations: revenge

Lest it leads to self-deprecation

after a war of this magnitude, would it not be

prudent to claim restitution instead of revenge?