Revenge

to give credence to this sentiment awhile,
after the break-up, the time wasted,
after the tears shed and resultant emotional decimation
after the vows taken and broken
Fifteen years, fifteen years of time together as a useless token
I will never get it back, to have and to hold
holding on for my son that needs to be a man
who best to teach him than his Dad I reason
I will keep another seven years I tell my delusional self:
keep his household,
keep his financial burdens due to his lay off,
keep our children fed and secure,
keep quite and be demure
In my solitude to stave off the desolation
with only the occasional rants as communication
What went wrong I wonder
Am I a bad wife or
Is this just a bad life I will wake up from?
a happy family we fake when company we meet
do they not see: the distance apart, the silence we impart
the attention he lavishes on the maid
after all that, it was meant to be over and done
Will he now gauge my worth after he lost me?
No! He moved on with a younger one as he boasts
The children he fought for was left without care
for I dared to raise three on my own as I made the tide turn
I spun self doubt and fear into gold: our success
What is revenge worth?
I seek not to improve myself for frivolous aspirations: revenge
Lest it leads to self-deprecation
after a war of this magnitude, would it not be
prudent to claim restitution instead of revenge?
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divorce