Rock Bottom

I thought I’d hit rock bottom before.
THIS is rock bottom.
Feelings swirling around my mind, encompassing my body in a state of numbness. I want to die

It’s easier to die than to send that email
It’s easier to die than to find a new job
It’s easier to die than disappoint the ones I love
It’s easier to die than must think of my next move
It’s easier to die than only have enough money to cover our rent and nothing else
It’s easier to die than to get in the shower
It’s easier to die than to leave the house
It’s easier to die than to sit here and cry

The only thing that makes me change my mind,
Is thinking of those I would be leaving behind.
I’ve been through heartbreak, shock, and bereavement,
I could not put anyone else through that pain.

I must pick myself up, do what’s right,
But what is right?
I try with all my might
To think of what is next,
I sit and write this text
Hoping it will come to me,
Magically
Appear
Here.
It needs to at least be this year