Sadistic Love

there's a pain inside that I hide
and a void that's getting deeper —
whenever I tried
tried to fill up with some love
with whom I thought I can be in love

but all I have is a pail of tears
coming from my heart
why does loving someone hurts me so much?
now, I'm asking you with my hopeful eyes
am I not intense enough to be held in your arms?

the thorns you've left behind
gave scars on my fragile heart
and yet still craving for your sadistic love
I sighed in grief for I find pleasure in pain
but not in relief
and I lust over your feelings
even with sadness in it

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