the hot burning water fills the bathtub. it scorns my already battered skin. do I feel it? no. am I immune to it? maybe so. I lay in it until my body falls numb and tingling. that feeling is my body telling me, okay.. it is time for you to get up now. time for you to go on with your life. get up, dry off, get changed and go on with the day or night. but I lay in the tub, staring at the ceiling with tears rolling down my cheeks. I lay in the tub until it because luke warm or until it drizzles down the drain. an hour has passed. barely any water left. I look around. I feel my chest. it's still beating. soaked in sweat, I get up & start to draw a hotter bath. maybe this one will burn so much that it will wrap around my entire body and squeeze the life out of me. maybe I've just become so immune to this feeling that the boiling water will just be boiling water. and I will still be, just me.