I’m the person you think you know
But you don't know where from
I’m a person who lies, who kills
Kills most of the time, I’m the person who is hurt and abused
I’m a person who is divorced
I’m a person who has more than one person in my body which were made from lies
I have a made up face with a made up smile
I’m a person who dreams lots of nightmares
I’m a person with a little hope left
I am in a cage which will never be opened
I have never breathed air without the smell of silver and cooper.
I am lonely, I have no sister to talk to
No mother to lay next too, no dad to debate with
No friend to say hi too.
I’m the type of person who can cry without tears, who wears colours but feels black.
I am an orphan… with a home, I have somewhere to go.
I can see a green light shining from a different path. I can see a beautiful house with my ex-husband wearing a real smile.
I see my sister, the person I know I will be able to talk too. My mother who I know I can show my tears too, the person who will always be on my side against dad in funny debates.
I can see my old friend, who I never wanted to see again though in my heart I have a burning torch of happiness. It is like smiling emojis are covering my cells, tissues, muscles and organs. Even covering little atoms that make up matter I am in.
I feel like the opposite way I felt when taking my first walk through the other path.
The tears, abusive words and physical pain. The times my family weren’t around, though they still never showed guilt.
My brain can’t forget what happened before, but my heart doesn’t stop signaling it. With it’s last wish “give them a second chance”.
I feel my heartbeat stop……
I, Zayn know the dreams Ella had, I have the same dreams here while waiting in the hallway
My heart beats hoping that her does too, watching as nurses go into her room
I feel like I'll be there, up in a different world with her close to my reach as we ride a magic carpet
Though I still imagine my hands holding hers, watching her hair as it moves swiftly through the air, I imagine her tears of happiness, her second chance as I take her out of the hospital
I wish that all the pain we gave her would melt, I wish I can renew myself
All those insults were because jealousy, not because of hate
Only one magic changed my heart and mind, her’s
She is the only breeze that can change the direction I move towards
She is the only luck I have, I never remarried I was too in love
When I’m around her I feel like I can just breathe, but when she’s not around me, I feel like she could be with someone else, someone who is not me
But now it’s just too heavy to breathe, I feel the fingers of the devil, it chokes my neck as it reaches for my lungs
My system isn’t compete but it could be, all I need is her
I need to hear her breathe, i need to see her emerald eyes
I need her heart close to mine not in a different world, but here
No nurse came out, no twigs to collect
No evidence for life
Shatter the glass or wake up again
Get ready to live the life you had again
Bodies not spirits, it is true, we’ll be close soon ..
We define ourselves we let no one do that for us
We have strength, though also weakness but no one knows
We look too strong together
She wakes up though remembers nothing
She forgot me, my soul, my spirit, my body
She forgot her mother, her god, half of her soul
She forgot her father, her bad side, her debates with him
But she remembered the red eyes she saw
She remembers the glow of darkness she got into
She remembered the abusive words and pain
She remembered my jealousy
She remembered all the things she shouldn’t have
She remembered the evil
Not even a memory from her childhood
It is all my fault, she lost everything because of me
No doctor, specialist not even love can make the heart forgive me after what I did
Her heart beats are normal but mine go faster
It unfair, life can be so injustice how it rewards greedy people with power and kind hearted with pain, She’s always prisoned like a prisoner
My love is not worth a penny, yes I know but she’s a dear how could she not be loved
Love who you love don’t hate for fun, don’t hurt their heart because then your heart will ache.
I see a stare too afraid it not good, I see my parents and Zayn
I do all I can to get out but still so weak I can’t run that far I thought
I see Zayn full of worries and i see tears
I question him for a second
Why are you here?
Where am I here?
No understanding at all …..
Holding his shirts, WHY, Why, why I cried
Why don’t you love me,
I hate you