She is

She Is…

You can tell numerous things about a person through their everyday behavior and body language. There are people on this speck that we call earth who can appear to us in one way and in reality be a whole other. All it takes is the flash of a smile to know that someone is alright. It only takes the drop of a unknown tear to know that someone is deeply hurting. What if there’s nothing that can give you a clue as to what’s going on? Do you just assume that someone is ok?

She is a shy girl with a gentle heart. As soon as she warms up to you, she becomes that kid that's always laughing and smiling everyday, she’s happy. No one ever asks her how she is because it’s evident that she’s alright so, why should they? She wears a bright smile and rarely has bad days unlike most, her personality can brighten up a room in a matter of seconds. She aims to make others happy all while being what she feels like is her best self. She is alright.

In junior high she wants to be accepted, she aims to fit in. The wrong “friends”and she knows this but she doesn’t like the feeling of being alone so she takes the pain. Harsh words and actions that make her heart wrench and her eyes sting. No one notices so she holds her waterworks and throws on a smile before letting out a playful chuckle. She’s a broken girl with a gentle heart. Her smile is one of the best disguises for her tears and her sadness goes unnoticed by all, even her family. She is ok.

Her heart is heavy and crying is a weekly thing. Still, no one has noticed. She is pretending and depression eats away at her like a piranha gnawing away at flesh. That smile she wears, so big and gorgeous but the dumbbell that her heart holds is ugly and gray. How could someone keep a smile when they feel like this? How could someone bare even the thought of being happy for others but not for themselves? She is silent.

Why wouldn’t she ask for help knowing she is this down? Her ways are different; she yells differently, she weeps differently, and she hurts differently. Her numbness is not the same as the people around her, and just because it isn’t the same, it doesn’t mean she hurts any less. Now she’s pondering over the thought of it all being worth it. Too scared of being rejected, feeling she would be speaking too late. No one would believe her years after and everyone knows that. She shouldn’t be affected because now it’s all over so it’s in the past, right? She is still hurting.

She can no longer find it in herself to smile. Her smile is broken and her laugh is silenced. She drifts away from everything and everyone. Her harsh and labored breathing filled the silent room. Her tears cascade down her cheeks like raindrops on a window and she doesn’t try to stop them. A full bottle lies out in front of her and she just wants her endless suffering to stop. Not one person has noticed and no one ever will, this is the only help she can get. She’s yelling now, she’s screaming now. Why won’t anyone help her..why didn’t anyone help her? The bottle is empty, her smile has fallen and her laugh can never be heard again. She is gone.

Silence is one of the worst enemies of all.

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