shell of a boy

I wasn’t even five when my mom left
I don’t even remember what a happy family felt like
Or if we ever even had one.
She’s doing your best, I get it
But she wasn’t there for my first time riding a bike
She wasn’t there when I had my first day of school
She wasn’t there
I missed her until I didn’t

I hate to admit it, but I’m not committed
I’m not convinced she’ll stick with it
I have so much unconfronted anger
I don’t hate her but it’s hard to love her

I can’t tell if it’s my hatred or my love that traps me
I am trapped in my invisible prison
A structure built around me
Chains shackle me
Pain rips apart my insides until I’m nothing but a shell
A shell of a boy who just wants to feel loved.

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