Siren Song

Ever since I can remember, I’ve allowed the sun to beat me home

Because I was always far too busy making pain look easy

Too soiled by my lust for giving benefits to friends, turning them into lovers, only in the end, to have them as nothing at all

For they covet the benign lines that lie beneath my grin; Which silently tell the tales of how no one is faithful

So, surrounded by the ruins of my oblivion
I stand before myself, shattered pieces of a man

Paralyzed from my circumstances. Inevitably stuck in a vicious cycle of smoking my lungs into nirvana, in an attempt to heal my broken heart

But I’m seemingly trapped within a haze of temptation far outside the realm of this rage of poetry

Finding it hard for me to express myself, because I can’t protect myself if I’m exposed

So, I hold on to my vulnerability like a prayer

Because, I now know the secrets that lay just beyond the flames and what happens when all you know is pain

…A pain more infinite than eternity

So, eternally, I’m vexed by these spirits that are rooted in my past transgressions

Finding myself regressing back into everything that I’ve tried to escape

Not realizing that I’m doing nothing more than hiding behind the tears of my words; which are marinated in whiskey

While my peace of mind is manifested within a bag of weed

And with the weight of my plight balancing on my spine like the sins of my father…I’m learning that the multiple lives that I live are causing a divide in the mind

So, I’m finding myself longing for impossible things, simply because they’re impossible

Harnessing beauty from painful landscapes of eternal sunsets
For they’re no longer leaving footprints across the sky

As nostalgia for what never was has chased away the tune of the Siren’s Song that once kept these clouds at bay

And as the rain falls, I never take the time to notice

For, I’m far too busy making pain look easy
Far too busy running from everything that stirs up an emotion

The precursor of repentance

Revealing that nothing can go untouched
As the wind unravels around this docile terrain
Making art from the many shades of blue masked beneath my melanin

Yet, with no shame, I keep running

Searching for that Siren’s Song

Because it’s the only thing that’s ever kept these clouds at bay

The only thing that sustains the synergy from everything that’s wrong and makes it feel right

So, I’m finding ways to linger behind my shadow in an attempt to not be seen
Because I don’t trust me enough to trust myself

Perpetually giving birth to bad decisions, like a whore birthing dead babies
And I’m screaming for help…but at a frequency that only the damned can hear

Because only they can understand my cries to decipher the melancholic melodies from an incubus like me

Dining on my demons

Teaching me that freedom don’t come for free
As I sacrificed my body, with H.I.V. being the fee

So, don’t come looking for me. For, I’m a wanderer who’s wondering if I wander far enough, will I eventually find myself

Or will I forever be tangled in this wicked dance with the devil

Soul tied to the desires of many, as my alter egos whisper poetic nothings into the ears of these familiars
Once again, finding myself giving my nights to so many

…Even though I prefer sleeping alone

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