Smart but Dumb

I am smart but I am dumb
I make decisions that aren’t thought through, but I can meticulously plan a scenario that hasn’t happened yet
I spend money I don’t have
Then cry when I can’t buy food

I have ideas that fill my brain, enough to write a million books
But I have no execution, allowing the ideas to shrivel up and go stale

I can sit and write a creative poem, spewed out from my thoughts
I can type or scribble and think its wonderful
In the next breath I can call it shit.

No-one will read this you dumb bitch.
But you’re smarter than the CEO who is filthy rich
But he works, he gets up at the crack of dawn, he probably doesn’t call himself a dumb bitch, he tells himself he’s the dogs bollocks, the biz.
You will never be like that, not in your dreams
Your dreams are the closest you will get to truly fulfilling your years.

Your life will be wasted, and filled with self-hatred, hurting those around you without even meaning to.
One day you might learn, slim chance you will earn

Writing these words gives you joy, for only a brief second

You wish you could love yourself
You wish you wouldn’t doubt yourself
Just maybe,
You will read this back and start to use that amazing brain of yours for your own good
If not, you will rot like these words that you jot
And never become the person you could.

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Key Words : Mental health, depression, dark, freeverse

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I have never shown anyone my \"poetry\" before and am not even sure it can be classed in the genre of a poem. I suffer from awful mental health and have taken to writing short, expletive, crazy bursts of brain fragment onto an empty page when I am feeling vulnerable. Please be kind, but also give me constructive criticism. Apologies if expletives are not welcomed.