Some Things Never Change
My body saw me as her unwanted guest
I needed to prove, to protect, to progress
in a way that would reveal the inside of me
alter my pronoun from a she to a he.
People were cruel and did not understand
when I swallowed the pills
pulled my head from the sand
kept it all from my family
when the operations began.
I'd become the mute who'd discovered his voice
found self-respect with the change of my choice.
Riding so high, I headed back home
thought they'd be glad I'd come into my own.
My smile ripped raw when my dad looked at me.
I'd poisoned, retarded his proud family tree
from Dad's little girl to his apology.
Me: a once priceless treasure
he'd now discard for free.
And sometimes it's cold here alone in the dark.
This beast in their eyes who's now physically marked.
Their God and our Christmas we no longer share.
I am absent, excluded, from their daily prayers.
And I'm careful, so careful, when I need to be held
still the unwanted guest with the paper thin shell.
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