Soul sickness


Losing my grip on reality
is the girl in the mirror really me
currently battling my demons
in my head sounds like they're screaming
you're not worth the love you get
the things I've done are still a secret
like what I did to the old man
makes me really want to cut again
or burn my arm with this cigarette
just to numb this regret
or the time I stole her morphine
heard the pain in her voice when she screamed
all these things just make me sick
try to hide it but I'm not that slick
people ask if I'm okay
I say I'm fine so they go away
Prayin under my breath
asking God to grant me death
don't want to kill myself
but it's so hard to ask for help
if I could start it all over
live my life clean and sober
go back to a younger me
just a kid living life with my family
but now most of them are dead
and I've got all these monsters in my head
shouldn't hurt myself today
but what if it's the only way I can pay these memories are toxic
please somebody help me stop
it
really want to run away
but I'm loved so I guess I'll stay
Don't really want to hurt nobody
Can't be replaced with gold or money
Just want to end my suffering
Not sure how to begin again
Guess I'll start by saying I am sorry
sorry to those that I made worry
to the kids for not protecting them
for not calling cuz I did love him
to my grandma for the stealing
to my dad cuz I couldn't heal hil
and to my mom for not letting her in
and to God for all my sin
to Willow who didn't deserve it
to be hurt and deserted
the sweetest cancer of the soul
is to be loved but not be whole

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Wrote this in recovery