Stages of Grief:
Dialetheism is,(to put as simplistic as possible), a "True Contradiction". To solve this conundrum would take what I thought science fiction. For me it came with the first stage of grief. Isolation and denial became the catalyst for a new belief. By definition to be isolated means you are alone. Enter a new way of communication I'd never known. When I opened my mind to this new possibility. The metaphorical fog was lifted, thus creating visibility. Peering into what can only be described as a spiritual realm. My denial of his absence allowing him to take the helm. Steering me through the perils of the darkest dearth. Allowing me once more the connection bestowed at your birth. With this miraculous communication opened I was on to stage two. Of all the stages of grief I felt this one I knew. Oh how I was wrong, for this was no ordinary anger. More akin to a berserker rage was my voices thunderous clangor. Spewing hateful, damaging and cruel words on any willing ear. Shoving away anyone trying to help or just be near. I knew the daggers I was throwing around were razor sharp. I could see the carnage strewn below the scarp. My fortification was soundly built prepared to defend ad infinitum. Yet I needed the walls breached for there was only bad inside them. Alas, all who approached were not given a chance. During this stage I sat in a true defensive stance. Every lash from my lethal tongue backfires striking twice. Much more of this I'll have nothing remaining to be put on ice. Tears turned to heart pounding rage and than my life became a bargaining chip. Enter griefs third stage where "quid pro quo" is more than a quip. Each new day brought forth a new offering of "I'll give my life for yours." An absolutely unworthy offering seemed the only way to settle the scores. The lines between bargaining and begging grew more convoluted. My entire state of being seemed almost diluted. The faux confidence created by isolation and rage, gave way to a fleeting optimism I've come to know as my bargaining phase.
The only way to delineate the overwhelming feeling left in the wake of the first three stages. Is to take all of the thoughts of mankind and try to scribe them in just two pages. The depression felt for this unrelenting void. May have been the reasoning behind the works of Dr. Freud. The fifth stage of grief has always had a positive connotation. Who would have thought acceptance would be an abomination. But to me accepting was purposefully put last. It came with the realization that the best moments were now in the past. Never again would a moment be as sublime. As any of the moments that were yours and mine. This thought made me feel back at stage one. As soon as the stages ended they had just begun. Of everything I've learned about grief, the most important lesson is the memories are our only relief. Eventually you learn to live with the pain. That's if your grief hasn't labeled you insane.
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I once read that grief is like being trapped by rough seas . The highway was her unrelenting pushing down in such a way that you feel that you're going to drowned. The waves never stop they just get farther and farther in between . It didn't quite capture my feelings when I lost my brother . This is my reality .