Stuck


She stumbled into the bathroom to escape for a little.
Sometimes the noise and laughter get to her
Feeling lonely in a crowded room.
As she manages to hold herself up straight she catches her reflection.
Who was this girl?
She could hardly see her own face
Opening her eyes very wide as if to stabilize the dizziness.
Her face was redder than her eyes and she was sweating.
Her mouth felt dry but her eyes were glossy.
She didn’t know what she had become
Getting screwed up to even bear living in this world.
When would reality be something worth living in?
She knew she was stuck there,
Somewhere between being young and just trying to hide the pain.
She took a deep breath of disappointment and suppressed her feelings once more just to join everyone else
A room full of troubled teens with minds as full with questions and doubts as hers
Laughter and smiles produced by highs and the saddening feeling of tomorrow morning coming
Because this buzz will end and then she’ll be alone with her mind.
Then when she wakes up she’ll catch her refection once again
And she’ll see smeared mascara and messy hair.
Last night will be written all over her face but not in her memory.
Later she will pull herself together and wait for another night to come
But for now she lets the emptiness remain as she fills it with smoke and liquor.
Her brain becomes numb and then she’s content
Music so loud she cannot hear her own thoughts,
Thoughts of hurt and resentment.
She likes to forget because it takes the edge off her guilt.
Forgetting allowed her to repeat the cycle but pain made her regret.
“I’m just having fun”
She tells herself
Yet she knows it is much more than just that.

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