The Art of Loving You

I love you like you are a crime scene before a crime has been committed
I keep my running shoes beside my soul each night
One eye open incase things change whilst I'm asleep
My back always tense as though waiting to fight a sudden storm that might engulf me
Because I have already seen hell
And I understand that every evil demon that exists down there was once a kind angel before it fell
And I guess I'm just a mess
And maybe I'm just lonely
Or just depressed but I know,
My head's a mess and my chest is empty

And everytime I said I love you…
I was really trying to say more than those three little words
I was trying to say you meant more to me than anyone else in the world
I was trying to let you know that I adore you and that I cherished the time we spent together
I was trying to explain that I want you and I need you
And that I get lost in wonderful thoughts everytime I think about you
And each time I whispered “I love you”
I was trying to remind you that you were the best thing that ever happened to me

And I watch as the tears fall…
One, because I miss you
Two, because of you hurting me
This one came out of nowhere
This one put me to sleep
This one! Is because you're doing fine!...And i'm broken…
And this one...this one is because I had no idea what I was doing

I'm falling apart while you're “falling in love”
And they say I CARE too EASILY
But I never cared before I met you
CARING for YOU was easy
Forgetting you...Not so much

I keep my heart on my sleeve and wonder why I so often misplace it
How many times will I hurt myself just so I can hold you one last time?
Hear my name roll of your tongue like a secret passed between the lips of lovers on a rainy day
Feel your hand in mine as we walked hand in hand down a soon forgotten hallway
Hear your name wander past the lips of strangers as if searching for my ears
I hear your name
Whether I want to or not
Your voice echoes through the halls
Bouncing off the walls as if searching for a place to rest
And each and every time
It makes home in my eardrums
Does laps around my brain
Engraving itself on the backs of my eyes so that every time I see you with her I feel as though I might cry

I say I'm over you…
But the thought of you with anyone else has tears dancing down my cheeks
I've learned to call this separation anxiety
And in a way it is…
I was so used to you that it wasn't until you left that I realized you felt like home
And without you i'm alone…
But i'm willing to be alone if it means that you're still here
And it's that fear that you might disappear that's keeping me silent

And that in itself is art
So beautifully complex and painful
Your words are waves and each day i drown in their depths
Because every “I miss you” hurts just as much as it did the day you left
And I guess things will work out for the best
Every word you say gets locked in a box titled “memories”
And you are and always will be my favorite

Every guy before you meant nothing
And every guy after was a pale comparison
Because none of them made me feel quite the way you do
I gave you my heart in a shiny silver box because you assured me you would never lose it…
But you did…
Tossed it into the nearest recycling bin once “better” came along
And I swore to myself that I moved on
But when i'm alone at night
My mind wanders to thoughts of you and when I close my eyes I see your face
Feel your arms wrap around me in that once warm embrace that I loved so much
And it's not until I open my eyes that I realize that I still miss you
And i'll always miss you
Because there's something about you that keeps me from forgetting you
Instead I'm stuck in this tsunami of thoughts where all I know is the ART OF LOVING YOU

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This Poems Story

Someone falling in love only to have their heart broken but still not being able to hate the person that broke them in such a beautifully painful way.