The Changes Within

By Nikki   

I'm working on making things right
Not just for the knowledge of other people
But for myself, who I am, Im ready for life

I'm sick and disgusted by who I'd become
I don't know what I was doing or even why
Just thinking at the time it was all fun

Looking back now its clear I was oblivious, beyond lost
I wasn't the person I was before the drugs and parties
I burned every bridge, never thinking of the cost

14 years I went around careless as could be
Months without a job shortened the habit and changed things
With drugs gone my eyes were opened and I didn't even know me

I can't undo my past or make the pain disappear
All I can do is lead a better life, make someone proud
And remember the person I was and hold onto that fear

I know it'll take time and only it will tell
That I'm trying hard to make up for all the years
Where all I did was hurt, disappoint, and fail

I have a lot to fix and plenty of work
It'll be a long journey, with years of dedication
I'll use my strength going forward, to no longer hurt

But even more, I WANT this for me, not them
I never once intended on becoming a Monster
Even if changing changes nothing outside of myself, it still changes me WITHIN.

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    This Poems Story

    (I chose "Milestone" because it was that particular time/ milestone in life that eyes were opened and lives started over) This could damn near be about me. BUT this is a poem I wroto for a very dear friend that I grew up with. We pretty much both traveled down an addictive path. But eventually found our way. She needed extra inspiration so I wrote her this from the bottom of my heart. I love you dear, stay strong ?