The day after

The day after I killed myself
I woke up and made myself breakfast
I made my usual eggs with toast
I joined my family at the table as they sat in silence
They didn't make a sound and I told them its okay, im fine
But they didn't hear a word I said

The day after I killed myself
I fell in love
Not with the boy who has had a crush on me
But with my family
I fell in love with my mother and the way she looked at all the old stuff I collected
The way she picked up the seashells in my collection and she held them until her palms were sweaty
She smiled as she remembered all the things we have done together but her smile faded and she remembered I was gone
I fell in love with dad who was sitting at the desk in my room reading my suicide letter with tears streaming down his face
He felt like my death was all his fault even though my letter said he did nothing wrong
I fell in love with my brother who sat at his house trying to believe I still existed
Trying to believe that I was still in this world
I fell in love with my sisters as they looked through the photo album I have sitting in my bedroom
Recalling all memories and things we did together
Thinking about the times when we were happy and smiling

The day after I killed myself
My dog laid on my bed by my sweatshirt that he loved to bite
It still had holes in it from when I met him for the first time
He was looking out my window as if he was waiting for me to come home
I called him over and when he looked but he saw nothing but the wall behind me
His tail stopped wagging and he had the look of sadness on his face

The day after I killed myself
I visited my friends houses who lives down the street
We were friends for years and we have done so much together
He was crying into his mom's arms as he was told the news
He held the friendship braclet I made for him when we was in third grade in his hand
Never wanting to let it go
His parents tried to calm him down but this pain was familiar and heartbreaking

The day after I killed myself
I walked down to my grandmas and sat down on the chair that she had for as long as I can remember
I saw my grandma sit down with my cousins as she told the news that I was gone
They cried wishing it wasn't true
I put my hand in the hand print I made in the cement when I was little
It was starting to fade
I sat in the picnic woods remembering all the fun memories I made there wishing it was possible to make more

The day after I killed myself
I sat in that picnic woods wishing I was still alive
Wishing I could hug my family and apologize for what I’ve done
Wishing I could rip up the suicide note and still be alive

The day after I killed myself
I tried to wake back up
But it was too late

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The poem is about someone that kills them self but realizes that they shouldn't have