The death of me


It wasn’t love at first sight

It was love at first glance

Those big, deep, dark, brown eyes

Those lips that tell stories

Stories that engulf you in their image

In the very thought of their motion

You’ve created a movie in my eyes

You’ve become my protagonist

I was immersed in all your stories

As Ari slept in the back

I listened to all of them

As you spoke and entranced

We listened to music

All night in that bed

We had gotten lost in the music

We got lost in that room

It was just us two

We laid there for hours

But the sun was coming up soon

The world was just spinning

Way too fast

I never wanted to leave that bed

You’ve become the light in my eyes

You’re the reason I try

You had built a wall around your heart

Then she came along,

And the wall fell apart

All this time I’ve been praying for you to see me

For you to be with me

Then reality broke me into pieces

It wounded me badly as it came to my senses

That you belong to someone else

This divide you’ve put inside my mind

I wanted you so much, though you never wanted me

This hurt you’ve put inside me

I can barely breathe

It hurts so deep it cuts like my knife

I could fill the ocean with the tears that I’ve cried

Or cover the entire earth with blankets of failed tries

Everything is falling apart

And I’m so sick of asking why

I’ve been lying to myself

Asking what I’ve done wrong

Or what I could have done right

That’s just it though

You never really needed me

I now feel as though

I’m a bird with clipped wings

A well that’s run dry

I’m an undone knot with ends too loose to tie

But still nothing compares to the pain of goodbye

I’m broken on the ground

From all the pain that’s been coursing through my mind

Just drive your car across my chest

Run me over, let me rest

Bury me alive or just kill me

Cause honestly, I’m tired of just dealing

With just another black whole feeling

All these dark thoughts I have inside

The life I want to end

The hurt this is causing myself

Can’t you see

This is you...

You’ve opened up my chest deep into my heart

Do you see it

A shard of glass, I can feel it slice

As I’m breathing, it cuts my strings

Now my fucking heart isn’t breathing

And from my brain is where I’m bleeding

Can’t you see I’m on my knees

My head is spun with thoughts of you

I’m overwhelmed

Stressed out, I’m all alone again

If there’s no point, why am I wasting my breath

Without you I have nothing left

I’ve tried and I’ve tried so many times

You were my siren; you drew me in

You taught me to love, and you taught me to sin

You’re my strength my weakness

The love from the start

You’re my heartache my pain

The beat of my heart

I just wanted to be something

I just wanted to be the one to change your life

I just wanted to do it right

But it didn’t work out that way

You’re the one thing I ever needed

Now all I can feel are tears of blood that fall from my broken heart

All this time I thought I was happy

I had my wall too

And then there was you

Now my smile hides my tears

My laugh hides my screams

It’s been this for years

I always seem so happy

Without a care in the world

I genuinely care for all the breath in this world

Though since the moment I met you

It’s getting harder to hide all the pain in my tears

I cry for the love I know you’ll never have for me

For all the moments I’ll have to live without you

I know that you’re happy and so I am too

For your happiness means more than mine

I feel so alone

No one even knows

But I’ll pretend for you

Pretend that I’m fine

I’ll hide all my loves sorrow, because all that matters most is you

So, I’ll put my wall back up

I’ll disappear from your life

And I just hope

That she’ll listen to those stories

To all your grasping tails

For I’ll miss them

I will miss all of you

You deserve someone better anyway

It’s for the best

She’ll show you a world that I never could

For the world I show you

I fear won’t be enough

My life’s in fucking shambles

Now that you’re gone

I can’t take it anymore

I’m just a waste of life

I can’t do anything right

I should just end my life

Just leave this world behind

But it wouldn’t fix my issues

It wouldn’t change your mind

So, I’ll just try to live with the pain of goodbye

I have to stay up now

For every time I sleep

The only thing I can ever dream of are dreams about you

My brain won’t let you go

Even though I know I’m doing it for you

So, I’ll just stay up

Days with no end

I don’t have the heart to love myself

I’m so selfish for loving you

And I’m truly sorry for that

I’ll be letting you go now

Though I don’t know if the thought of you will ever leave my head

I’ll just try to stop feeling

The thought of you it just overwhelms

Just know you were my everything

And after you’ve read this poem

I’ll finally put you to rest

You don’t need to say anything

I’ll be fine just as before

You can forget about me now

For I’m not worth

Nor do I deserve

A thought that goes through your head

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