The Fallen Girl


Who is that fallen girl?
Who once would through meadows twirl

There she lies, face veiled by hair,
black locks swaying tenebrific in the air

Her shoulders and her body shake
Her eyes betray a tear, but what grievous mistake!

For like a broken dam, her composure collapses
Chaos reigns as order relapses

Cracked is her smile, downturned in despair
Gone is the joy she makes haste to forswear

There under that solemn willow,
whose forgiving branches in the wind do billow

She sits in its shadow, hiding from the sun,
hoping the brightness fades as quickly as it's come

The beauty of the pondering hills is too great
So she hides her head in her knees, flustered and irate

Even the sound of wind through wheat
is too happy, reminiscent of simpler times bittersweet

And I am sure you will come to wonder
what tragedy dragged our dear angel asunder

For how could one harbor such rueful world perception,
unless perhaps, the peace around her was mere deception?

But alas, the world was no imposter
For she was the liar, whose deceit had cost her

While the world rang with war, hunger, terrible flaws,
she kept hers hidden, commanding only envy and awe

"Tilt your chin up when it threatens to cower
Hide defeat, flaunt only your apt and power!

Be fluid and adapt so that all will like you
Be fake, lose identity, so long as they admire you!

Around the daredevils, be the first the jump
Around farceurs, crack jokes no one can trump

With scholars, read most and in tongues most complex
Speak in erudite riddles to astound and to perplex

Around the young, lift your spirit and join their charades
Around the old, practice deference and let restraint pervade

Around those who love to argue, stir and part the seas
Speak your mind, stand your ground, condemn conformity

But around those who demand peace and unity,
be the sage to lead compromise, demand tranquility

Around men, be elusive and sensuously bold
Around women, be the envy they are loathe to behold

For you are the spectacle, the showman, the sweetheart
Revealing the darkness within will only tear you apart

Because no one fancies a girl whose sadness
pumps through her veins and drives her to madness

No one wants to be the shoulder
she cries on when the world crushes her like a boulder

Who would want to be the companion
of a girl whose thoughts wander deeper than canyons?

Who thinks on humanity, conscience, morality
Who is caught in a fatalistic and cynical mentality

Who exerts herself until her lungs sear her ,
but still hates the strong creature she sees in the mirror

Who does not bother with makeup, nor flashy vanity,
because she seeks natural perfection, a curse to sanity

Who laments her solitude, but draws her curtains
When someone gets close, she backs away, timid and uncertain"

___________

This had been her mantra, her code of life
She sang these rhymes daily despite her inner strife

For she was that troubled girl who thought no one would love her
She wanted to fit in, so these defects she covered

Her mind was sick, but she allowed it no interference
She thrived on illusions of perfection, fixated on appearance

She thought she was happy, thought she had won,
but as she grew weary her deception came undone

People grew bored of her immaculate disguise,
but still she did not open up, and this caused her demise

The insecurity, paranoia, and self hate she had bottled,
on this day broke free to suffocated and throttle

Waves of anguish she had buried within,
bludgeoned and aged her, wounds wearing her thin

All those years of remoteness,
all those friends, she had refused their closeness

She had placed herself on a pedestal reaching into the skies,
but a cloudy haze was all that greeted her eyes

The fog was too thick, she lost sight of Earth and her peers
They did not look for her, cared little if she would reappear

So she escaped to the hills, to the lone willow tree
to mourn the loss of herself, the loss of identity

The girl cried in confusion, for the she still did not belong
Instead of company and veneration, only reclusion traveled along

Where had she gone so amiss?
Where were her hugs, her handshakes, her lover’s kiss?

And so as she sat, she thought on existence
She asked herself questions with stubborn persistence

Does one find happiness through introspection?
Or does one fulfill herself with public projection?

Does one pay the price of validation and approval
Writing the check for her ipseity’s removal?

Or does one embrace her hills and valleys?
Since mountains are only defined by the darkness in their alleys

How long can one survive on others’ praise?
If a phony, a fragment of the truth, is all they appraise?

Who are you, who are you really?
Which mask remains after all are cast off, stuck and steely

Aren’t you the one who lashes out in fury
Who battles and defends herself to an invisible jury?

Aren’t you the one who succeeds but is never satisfied?
Who dreams of fantasies that will never materialize

Aren’t you the girl who treads on eggshells?
Whose confidence is as fragile as an angel in hands of hell

And as the wind caressed her cheeks, drying her tears,
an epiphany dawned that broke through her many veneers

She tore her eyes from the darkness,
gazed at the horizon, taking in both its excesses and starkness

And as she mustered the gall,
the girl tied back her hair, stood unshadowed and tall

Vision still cloudy, but mind unobscured,
she shouted as loud as her lungs could procure

“To live true and die complacent,
else carry guilt and hate to your grave,
I would rather assume one identity,
Than delude all and be burdened with shame!”
_____________

Never more did the girl return
To the meadows, to the place where her life had taken a turn

Leaving the past to its passing,
she left naught but the dainty willow, growing everlasting

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The fallen girl.... is me.