The Grandparent(al) Advisory Board


To my dearest grandparents, ages eighty-five and eighty-eight,
How I have received such guilt due to not visiting as of late
I’ve taken excess precautions as advised by the CDC
Washed my hands to the bloodiest and driest degree
Yes, I know I’m expecting, so does my neighbor, and his dog
I wouldn’t be surprised if so does your entire synagogue
I wipe down every surface and crevice in our house
From the floors, counters, produce, to the body of my spouse
Each particle is inspected with contacts and glasses with great care
Until any potential malignant droplet has vanished to bare
We are imprisoned in our apartment, I promise you
We leave only to heed the call for necessary toilet tissue
You call me your favorite grandchild, “Fave” for short
I’d visit you any day over the most exquisite baby-moon resort
Our visits have decreased from twice weekly to once a year
So, what if coughing and sneezing symptoms appear?
What’s more important is seeing my elderly loves.
Pretty please, I’ll even don the N95 mask and gloves!
Through tears and tribulation, we’ve given video chat a good try
I do my darndest but “avoid the elderly” is becoming hard to comply.
Go ahead: tell your neighbor, then the media, and give my last name
Seeing my favorite susceptible population, I’ll be the one to frame
Please, just for a moment, ignore the madness outside
Just a quick hug, no Jewish goodbyes, and no photo of us side-by-side!
I promise you, Grams, I’m thinking of the unborn baby when you call
Heck, can you blame Fave for suffering from grandparent withdrawal?

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