The Hell of Love

How the hell am i supposed to know if i loved him
How the hell are you supposed to know what that feels like
People say “you just know”
Well, I didn’t… so i didn’t?
What even is love?
Was it dancing around his living room floor as he sang my favorite bands
Was it watching disney movies cuddled on his couch even though he particularly care for them
Was it that even at 1,161 miles apart he would sing every night at his job until my breathing steadied
Is it that i’m still thinking of him, missing him, 6 months, a year, 2 years after our breakup
Our breakup…. How could that be love
How could me calling him drunk ending things be love
How can my breaking his heart - AGAIN - be love
Knowing I can never talk to him again because if i called tonight he would answer
He would forgive… he would trust… someone I know he shouldn’t
So when all me is crying in my car because I miss him i know to not call
Maybe that is love… maybe staying away is… love