The monster inside

The monster inside of me has consumed all
consumed all that I once was
the monster inside has taken me to darkness
the Darkness which i am now accustomed to
the monster fed on what i was and took me to what i am
i am the monster inside that destroys
the monster that seeks to feel your pain
the pain being the only feeling left
you seek pain to feel anything
without feeling, life seems fake
you seek pain that shows you that you are a human
yet you know looking into the mirror
that there is nothing left, except me
the monster that has taken you to this point
the monster that will be your ending
the monster that will and does seek to make pain
because with pain you feel,
only feeling pain makes it like a drug
the pain should not be it
but the monster inside of me is what has taken it all away
that has driven me to the darkness in an attempt to hide
the monster inside me has almost won
but the monster inside of me is not the only thing there
there is hope
hope of retribution and salvation from yourself
the monster inside of me is now who i am
yet I do not want to be the monster
nor do i want to allow there to be a monster inside
I will press this away,
I will work through it
the monster inside of me will not win
The monster inside of me will never have it all
for I will always hold out, hoping for help
not hoping for the end of everything
hope is all i have left

I truly believe this, it is nothing but what I am thinking right now at this moment. This moment that I speak of is the beginnings of my attempt to overcome my demons the ones that have made me who i do not want to be, death surrounding you while clinging to light is no easy task and many slip down the rabbit hole to never be seen again. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, i would never wish what I feel to be felt again by anyone. The way i feel being only pain and sorrow, this is why it seems like a drug to feel the only emotions that I know anymore. this is why I have a monster inside of me, that is the monster that I have become. But I hold out, i hold the hope that I will find my way and i work toward that every day. empty is not a feeling that you should ever allow but i have
I look into the mirror and i see a shell, a shell of who i was and looking into my eyes i see nothing, nothing there other than black.

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