The Morning After

By Lyssa    Lyssa

The morning after I killed myself, I cleaned up all of the blood.
The broken vase on the floor stared violently at me as I picked a shard of it out of my arm.

That same shard that used to be transparent, but now is consumed in the warmth of my crimson blood.

The morning after I killed myself, I reread my letter. "Dear mom, I'm sorry, I just, how could I tell the person who gave me life that I didn't want it anymore."

I crumbled up the paper and threw it against the wall. I watched it fall slowly and then all at once.

The morning after I killed myself, I checked my phone. Apparently, my text to my boyfriend saying "I love you with my heart and soul to death" was a cause for concern. But I guess he was right to be concerned.

Fifty missed calls and texts, six voicemails saying, "baby please pick up, baby I need you, baby, please." I wish I would've heard that sooner.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked down the stairs. My mom was sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. I put my hand on her shoulder trying to get her attention but the silence was deafening.

She kept asking the same question, "why me, why, why did this happen to me" I couldn't understand why she was so upset, she wasn't the one who died.

The morning after I killed myself, I saw my brother hugging my jacket. He held on to it as tight as he could, crying on the living room floor.

He didn't seem sad, but he seemed angry, angry at the fact that he let me get to that point as if it was his fault.

The morning after I killed myself, my best friend came running to my house. She lived five miles away but she ran the whole time. She banged on the door hoping I would answer, but the thought I wouldn't crushed her. And when I didn't, it broke her.

My mom let her inside and hugged her for three minutes straight. They both fell to the ground shaking with a burden inside.

The morning after I killed myself, I wished I didn't. I tried to fix things, I tried to console my brother and my mom and my boyfriend and my best friend and-

The morning after I killed myself, I realized how many people I hurt. I tried to unkill myself but it was too late.

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