The Secret Mind O

Does it make me weak that sometimes I can't sleep?
Instead I lay awake and weep.
So often I hear I'm strong, but I want to scream YOUR WRONG!
My heart was broken, yet life went on.
Now everyday I must face the fact that you are gone.
I try to find comfort in the memories, but I'm haunted by the thoughts of "what if" and "what could be".
As a mother I can't help but feel guilty.
I constantly ask God, "Why didn't you take me?"
People keep telling me, "Everything has a purpose" but I can't come to understand this reason I see.
They tell me "Your child is in a better place now." I want to believe that, but I don't know how.
I'm living in a mother's worst hell, yet to most of the world no one can tell.
Often I'm asked, "How are you?"
I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to die, yet I smile and simply say, "I'm well."
I lie.
All because there's no words to even express how deeply a mother's heart feels depressed.
My child is gone, but that doesn't mean I love him any less.

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