The Throwaways

By KO   

If you look real close, maybe you would understand, why I've lived my life this way. I belong to a group that consists of millions and they call us "The Throwaways". This disease doesn't discriminate, we are everywhere only some mask it better than others. We are your neighbors, your daughters, your sisters and brothers. We could even be your father or mother. We're outcast and black sheeps in our families, we beg for alcohol, needles, one more hit. We are powerless and lost and weak and selfish some people even call us "Misfits". We are depressed, we are manic, we use to feel numb and to deal with our pain and anger. We lose our families, ourselves, our jobs and our homes not even caring that our lives are in danger. We blame the people that are the closest, the ones that love us the most. We blame you, you and you. We find any outlet we can, we don't care who we hurt and we are manipulative with our verbal abuse. We forget about our Higher Power, the tools that we've learned, we are masters at pushing you away. But this is when we need you the most, please don't go, I am begging, please stay! We are teachable, we are hopeful, we are human we know and in our hearts we regret our mistakes. We need detox or rehab another chance at our lives and that chance, we are willing to take. We hold grudges, we stay mad, we will do anything to make sure we have your full attention. We fall short when it comes to our drug of choice because every day we battle temptation. We will yell and scream and argue and fight and say words that weren't really meant. We'll hold onto your words and hold on to your faults because we love to hang on to resentments. We are torn, we're confused, sometimes we get scared wondering how we can ever control this? We feel pain, we still hurt, we always feel so alone and we become comfortable being a "Misfit". We want to learn how to feel and learn how to live, not in tomorrow, just for today. We at chronic relapsers, or newcomers but we never give up, we are so tired of being "The Throwaways".

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I am a recovering drug addict/alcoholic and I've been battling my disease for a long time. After serving some jail time, I went to a rehab program. We had a counselor there that was amazing and she told me one day "we are the statistics that other people see as a problem... Like we should be thrown away!" That one statement stuck with me until I figured out that I needed to use my poetry talent, as well as my experiences in my life, and maybe people can relate. I hope this touches people ... Addicts as well as the people that love us enough to NOT throw us away!