This isn’t me

I've smoked meth,
I've drank to the point of throwing up,
I've smoked so many cigarettes and I don't even like them,
I almost did a line of cocaine once,
I've looked at those images,
I've said those bad words,
Let me rewrite my story,
I had a hard upbringing,
I literally read the other day bawling to my mom about how when I was in the orphanage how my birth mother never visited me, never showed any interest in me,
I've walked through hell and back for my sobriety,
When I hear someone's story about having to shoot up to get high because this life's too painful and they have to let it out somehow,
If you have to put something in your arm to let go your only feeding the pain,
If you pour oil in a fire your only feeding the flame,
If your snorting to feel alive your only wasting your time,
What I'm trying to say is that your past does not define you! Your trials they do not make you, you
When you want to jump,
Or feel that knife to feel alive,
Or having an anxiety attack where everything isn't going ok I get it!
I live with anxiety and paranoia and depression,
I've done meth,
Meth is not me,
I've drank to the point of throwing up,
The intoxication is not me,
I've smoked so many cigarettes,
The nicotine is not me,
When I was homeless I learned alot about who I am and what I'm capable of, because no matter what I've done I am capable,
It took many years to believe that for myself,
No matter what drugs I've done,
The images I've looked at,
The words I've said,
The lies I was telling,
They are not me!

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