Thoughts That Shouldn’t Be

I felt that if I found my forever that forever meant no more tears, but tears appeared and made me question once dormant fears.
Was my forever really my forever? Or did the though of being alone cause me to become tethered?
I love him, he’s mine, but he makes me so angry. He always yells, whines, and says he’ll never fully get me. I sit in the dark in these dark moments and question “Is this what I signed up for?” Then thoughts begin, that shouldn’t be, making me want someone other more.
I dream of past loves, ones who had their own flaws, and ponder the possibilities. Were they that bad, was it all me, or did they truly get me?
I think of my best friend and first love, how young and naive we were. How our friendship became more, got complicated, and soured. We still talk, as our friendship was stronger than anything we faced, but I can’t help thoughts of being with him again in nothing but leather and lace.
There were loves that weren’t official, and ones that lasted a short time, yet even still to me they were special and now I feel deprived.
I thought the man should chase the woman, make her feel beautiful and whole. Now I’m with my confusing man and he never casts me in his leading lady roll. I have the ring, he chose me, and still it’s not enough. This rejection stings, I can’t breathe, I wish things weren’t so tough. I ask him why he won’t touch me, make me feel alive. He says it’s not me it’s him, which I don’t believe, and he casts an annoyed vibe. If it’s not me then tell me I’m pretty, show me I’m worth your time. I don’t want you to make sympathetic love I want love that’s genuine. Months go by, you show no attempt and there’s still no want in your eyes. Tell me the truth, please don’t lie, I’m sick of nothing happening and days just going by. Is there another woman? Am I too fat? Quit blaming stress man, love me and swing that bat.
My heart is breaking, and to keep me feeling loved, thoughts that shouldn’t be come of love making with others that once set me up above. I would never cheat, I love you with all my heart. Quit leaving me in defeat so that I don’t dream of us apart.

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The woman’s view of a loveless marriage. This is not from my personal experiences