Time is a cruel master


Time is cruel you know, without you. It goes so slow, to where I stumble over my feet in my now sluggish stride. And as i fall, right when my soft palms scrape against the hash concrete, it speeds up again. It crushes me in its urgency, pulling and pushing at my fragile body, and I wait for the day that It will break me.

Because without you, time is harsh and cold, where there was once a loving embrace of seconds spent together, now there is jagged stone, vowing to tear my skin to ribbens and grind my bones to dust. But before, before you would make the most agonizingly long hours feel like mear seconds, washing away my despair. And, you had made such short moments feel like an eternity across the path we called our lives together.

But that's all gone now, dead and buried with you in your deep tomb in the earth. Rotting along with your beautiful self and becoming nothing but a wrinkled husk of the past.

Because time has stolen you away from me, and in your place has left nothing but a deep cavern in my heart where you once were. It's an agonizingly deep hole that rips open and festers like an old wound every time I am reminded of you. No matter how young it really is, and it begins to harden and chip away at the corners, falling off and leaving me forever, never to return.

They say time heals all wounds, so I wait for the day that chasm I'm my heart will be filled with limestone and diamonds, and each crack mended close with molten silver. Burning hot silver being poured in my chest with every memory of you. But I know it will never fill and be whole again, truly, because with you gone there will never be anything to fill it with again. Like the dreams of a future we would make together, like your eyes and lips and hair… it is all laying, rotting on the floor of your tomb, deep in the ground.

But what if I was wrong, and your eyes, your lips, your hair… what if they could all still be here with me? Could I smile again? If your soul still lingered on this planet, would you want me to smile and stare into your eyes once again? Would time no longer crash down upon me like a tidal wave, and instead gently drift away with me ?

I stare into your silver eyes once again in amazement, run my fingers through the soft locks of hair that once belonged to you, and watch as a soft smile grace the lips that were once yours, returning to me again after so long.

Her small fingers wrap around mine and my heart starts back to life once again, her hair so much like your grows long and I cannot stand the thought of cutting a single strand, her eyes grow in intellect and I see your overwhelming curiosity growing within the deep swirls of molten silver around her pupils. I see you in her every time I gaze at her small frame, and I feel my heart ache, but not crack, at the thought of you.

I was wrong, about my heart never filling and mending. However, instead of becoming hard and cold and rigid with stone and gem, it is instead filled with sweet tea drunk in the mornings before school, with soft stuffed bears and twinkling laughter that she must have got from you. It is now filled, but not completely. There are holes there, holes that can only hold the greatest of memories between us. But those are not tangible enough to fill them as solid as before.

I smile as I realize that I was wrong. you never really did leave me, never truly left me in this timeless abyss that I called life. You left me with a wonder that will never cease as I find all of your little trinkets and toys stuck in jars filled with wishes of what-could-have-been, and with music from years past that still stick in my head and I hum along too like i heard them just yesterday..

You left me with your beautiful eyes, you wise smile, your endless curiosity, your will for adventure.

And the life you had once breathed into my lifeless corpse has been rejuvenated once again.

You will always be with me, my whisper in the wind.

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