To Say I Love You


I've heard,
That it's like water flowing delicately down a mountainside
With green grass and birds singing
Like a picturesque scene. The kind you only hear about in fairy tales
As it cascades slowly, from the back of your throat
There is a momentary, peaceful silence as the world around you slows, and then stops.
And as it dives off the tip of your tongue into a pool of hopeful oblivion
The crowd hushes in anticipation. And you can see every dust particle dancing around you in the light beam
But I have learned,
That saying I love you feels a little more like the alcohol was a little too much.
Like a sloppy remembrance only being uttered because you are drunk on the moment and high off the energy of the room
Perhaps I love you
Is the sharpest knife in the drawer
Being pulled from the back of one fallen soldier only to be jammed hilt deep into the heart of the next
With no regards to the family of the fallen and wounded
Who are left sitting by the television praying to a god they no longer believe in that your face doesn’t appear on that screen.
Because in my experience love, doesn’t let you say goodbye.
Or maybe the monster that hides with the skeletons in my closet
The one that I'm afraid to show lest you grind up the bones like you ground up my pride
Just to use the ashes to maintain your own fire
Maybe I love you
Is only meant to seal the moment like wax on a letter.
Ripped off only to unveil the news to the king of the neighboring castle
That the battle was won, a princess claimed and well,
Here's a list of the casualties left along the side of the road
You can pick up the bodies at sunrise.

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