Let’s be honest, I’m a horrible person. I let people get to close and I end up getting hurt. But I close myself off from everyone and I still get hurt because I care too much. When I say I don't care I still do. I could become the coldest person you know, but I still care deep down. But I’m tired of always getting hurt. I’m tired of getting blamed for everything. I know I’m the problem child, I know that my parents don’t care about me, even when they look like they do. I get yelled and abused by them for no reason. They say I don’t respect them and i’m not truthful. Well how can I be that to them if they can’t even do it to me. I did everything they asked me even if I didn;t want to. How come i’m still getting punished for everything and my brother gets away with everything. I get life ain't fair but this is too much. I want to leave, but where do I go. I don’t have anywhere to go. So I'm stuck in a toxic environment in which I can’t leave or make it less toxic. I be good and get abused, I be bad I get abused, there’s no winning. I can’t fight back because I’ll get locked up in a crazy house and get abused more. Maybe I should e in a crazy house, I know I won't escape the abuse but I’ll be away from my parents, however, it will take me away from my friends. Ugggg….. I never win. I’m either stuck or screwed. I’m both. Last night I was so upset and depressed I mixed different pills together just to sleep. I hoped I wouldn’t wake up this morning but I did, But I get to be out all day more or less away from them and that's good. But I know tonight will be another sleepless night, tomorrow will be a long day, however thursday im gone to my grandma and that's the only place I’m not the problem child, i'm not abused, another place I feel safe and loved. But I can't live with her. There’s no room for me to live there, sadly. I need to get a van and turn it into my own living space so I can fucking move out. I’m sick of being stuck, and abused. It's so toxic I can’t. I’m trapped with no living way out.

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