When you see him, do you get butterflies?
When I look at you, I do not feel butterflies.
When I look at you, I feel tsunamis rise.
My mind bursts with color, a new found clarity,
And two equal parts: passion and melancholy.
I feel the burdensome secrets that you left me.
They gnaw at my shoulders and grow so heavy;
Appealing to my Darkness, hoping to be freed.
Seeing you makes me feel tired and lost and empty.
One glance at you can make me feel a thousand things,
Each raw emotion flies through me like angel wings
At light speed. Your image leaves me devastated,
But I keep looking up, never satiated.
Your eyes always could cut deep into my soul
Your face consumes my every waking thought.
Your charmed half-smile devours my peace-of-mind, whole,
And turns all of my pleasant dreams to rot.
Knowing that your arms are wrapped around another
When they are the home I've been missing for so long,
Is torture less bearable than being smothered.
Knowing your voice will never speak my name again
Makes my every day life seem so mundane and wrong,
Like every move I make is weighed down with this sin.
Knowing how hard it is to breathe without you near
When I've tried pushing you far away for so long,
Brings the frustrations inside of me, out in tears.
Every old memory fades a bit each day.
All of our old scars tangle with the new.
Every regret-filled 'sorry' goes without say.
All of our lies start to sound more like truth.
I feel hurricanes and tornadoes whirl within.
They are too intense to act like it's just pretend.
So, all I can do is watch them strip down my walls,
And hope being without you does not cause withdrawals.
I feel the torrent of confusing emotions
Overwhelm me as they lull back to the ocean.
I'm waiting for it to come crashing back to shore
In a ten foot wave, like I've seen it do before
When I see you, the only thing I feel is pain.
It is the dark cloud in the sky that swells with rain.
When I see you, my mind floods with our memories
Because, you are the tsunami inside of me.