Unanswered Questions

how does god, fate, destiny, karma,
the universe, whatever
decide who is and isn't worthy of what?
who decided that I would be raped?
who decided that all my relationships would crumble?
who decided that I'd get so low,
let men start taking what they wanted from me as they pleased,
because I thought it was not mine to keep?
who decided that I needed to start feeling emotions so intensely,
to the point that it became debilitating?
and most of all
who decided he deserves a better life than me?
the one who started my downfall
a respected soldier, now married
blessed with a beautiful baby girl
a life of purpose and happiness
am I unworthy of that?
have I not opened my heart to love and kindness?
have I not given or suffered enough?
what do I have to do to make this
aching in my heart

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