I think it just might be
the forbiddance of him that intensifies the appeal towards
growing instead of crying,
rediscovering instead of reminiscing.
I have realized that in all my past relations,
I saw myself becoming more and more like the partner.
Later I realized it was not myself suddenly acting like them,
it was my longing to feel or be as they were.
I am ultimately a reflection of my partner. In search for myself,
I am constantly struggling to find a perfect reflection,
and in my case,
i have tried many.
Although the only heartbreak occurs when in imagination,
they or I have allowed myself to believe
that they are me, and what I'm lookng for,
than they do something so unlike me,
and it leaves me hurt, and confused all over again.
I have allowed myself to believe and depend on the partner
just because
I in that moment saw a little of myself in that person.
For so long, I've been longing for him,
but with the emotions and freedoms that came
with the value of self worth and understanding,
what I in those times believed I had.

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