At 3a:m gazing at the sailings ,
I fill the abandoned space by the smoke of cigarette .
And try to spill all the pain that came along the love i hold for you on a sheet of paper.
I write and rewrite assuring that each and every word i write would help me puke the helplessness, the pain, the extremities of trillions of emotion i go through every minute of those scary lonely nights which they bring along with them.
And when i find all those words failing , failing to convince my eyes to stop rolling down tears out of them , failing my fingers to stop pulling my own hairs out of anxiety, failing to stop my mouth from sucking smoking filling my lungs with poison , failing to make my heart lighter.
I finally crush that sheet of paper, throw it on other side of the room .
My body feels weak puffy eyes, heavy heart ,brain about to shut down .
I gaze out of the window
Sky has started turning into pink , red ,yellow, orange and than into a fine pale blue colour .
A birds comes flying from the horizons sits on my window pane .
I look at it and drag a s.mile from the depths of my sorrowness
I crush the burning cigarette in my hand.
And than a ray falls from the window on that crushed sheet of paper and it again grabs my attention forcing me to drag my lifeless body towards the other corner of the room .
Picking up that piece of paper ,I Open it and try to remove the creases with my lifeless fingers.
And Look at the piece of art last night enfolded on that piece of paper .
The smile on my face broadens , pufyy eyes start shining ,
I put that paper along with many uncreased papers holding the untold story of many sleepless nights, crushed cigarettes and an urge to live .
Live while standing at the verge of death .