Used Items, New Items

I was used like an old rag; I was left with a broken heart.

Something I never got to experience...a loving, gentle touch.

He used me...thinking he would get something outta me—sex.

What was I to him? A body? Something he could just throw out, a girl that by dating, he could get benefits?

I thought I meant something, I thought that when our lips touched there was a spark...I thought there was something in that kiss.

I guess to him…I was just something he could use—an item.

After a while I got over him; he got a new toy...a new item.

Yes, I was jealous…I’m not heartless, unlike him, I have a heart.

His best friend cheered me up, we talked…I knew he wanted to kiss;

I was a hypocrite…I did exactly what he did…I got what I wanted by touch.

I asked him first—he didn’t mind, we were now friends with benefits.

All I wanted, all I would text about was sex.

I felt bad…I didn’t want to do this; the only way to cope was sex.

At least I thought that; now he was my sex item.

We were going strong with this until I started to realize other benefits;

my pupils dilated like cat eyes; I was going crazy…my heart—

my heart was beating when I talked to him; I wanted his touch,

more than sexualized feelings…I wanted his kiss.

I wanted to feel love through his kiss,

I wanted to feel hatred through his kiss, I wanted more than sex—

I wanted a loving, caring, warm touch.

I know he isn’t something I would use, he’s not an item.

He’s a human being with feelings and a heart.

Though I liked him, I did also like the benefits.

But it wasn’t about the benefits,

it wasn’t about the kiss,

it wasn’t about the sexual feeling in my heart,

it wasn’t about the sex,

it wasn’t an item,

it wasn’t about the sexual touch—

it was about the way he did touch.

It was about the way we worked with the benefits.

The way we used the item.

The way we kiss.

The way we had sex.

The words in our heart.

But I’m wrong. I haven’t had sex or had a kiss

With him. I’ve only touched him, skin and heart.

Neither of us are items, we’re just people with benefits...

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