Vicious Cycle

You couldn't control it so I cried
I couldn't control it so you died
Before I was happy and now I am blue
I can't forgive myself for what happened to you
Having you pass away due to my shortcomings
Brings back painful memories
Only they don't just creep in, they come running

I can't avoid it, no matter how hard I try
I hoped to be okay, but my hopes were too high
You were raised unloved, unsure
Then we were both hurting, for our us there was no cure
You were always afraid so you reacted
But your reactions always made me afraid
Trapped in a deadly circle, an inescapable fatal game

I'm sorry I failed you, sorry I wasn't there
I was oceans away when you died, a fact I can't bear
You were definitely messed up but that wasn't on you
Maybe my being messed up isn't my fault too
Your life is over, and my recovery never will be
I hope you were thinking of being loved but who knows
What you were thinking of when your eyes closed.

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