why?


why let me believe you, trust you, when every part of me was screaming that i shouldn’t?
why let me get used to you?
let me believe you when you’d whisper to me that you weren’t going anywhere?
remember?
all those times in the early hours of the morning
when the rest of the world was silent, so there was nothing to drown out the sounds of my insecurities
and you’d pull me close with that promise, and the demons would retreat just enough to be bearable
why let me make you my source of happiness?
my source of light?
of life?
why watch me start to care for you so much a stranger on the street would look at us and be jealous of what was there?
why let me fall with the intention of dropping me, watching me land on the cold, hard ground?
was it part of some sick game?
a bet? dare?
or maybe just to be able to say you’d done things with a senior when you’re in the ninth grade
or maybe you just wanted to see how much you could insert yourself into my life, how deeply you could effect my mere existence
or maybe you just wanted to see how much you could break me
how far you could take me in the shortest amount of time
but if none of those are true, then why, damn it, why do this to me knowing i’m already gasping for air?
why throw more water on my head?
did you just want to watch me drown?
but what did i do to you? why me?

why?

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