Writing to Heaven


I have stared at this blank page on my screen for the past twenty minutes

If we are being honest, I’ve been staring at it for the past six years.

There are so many things I don’t understand

My uncertainties outnumber my knowledge.

Of the few things I am sure of,

One is that I miss you.

Another is that I love you

A third is that I don’t believe I will ever stop yearning for you.

But it has come time for me to vacate this rut I have survived in

It has come time for me to move through, but not past, my pain

It has come time for me to be myself.

So I sit now, and write this to you in Heaven.



I’m no longer the little girl you told to be bold and brave

I’m no longer the child you once knew.

I have grown into a woman who loves all,

I have grown into a woman who wants to be loved by all

I have become someone you would be proud of

I have become someone who will show the world how you taught me to love

So I sit now, and write this to you in Heaven.


That ugly night in October left me with a scar

That piece of me will never heal

Until that glorious day when I return to your arms

When all the pain and suffering of this world has come to an end

And I have lived a life as full as yours

Until that day comes, I continue to weep

I continue to grieve

But most importantly I continue to grow

So I sit now, and write this to you in Heaven.


More than anything, I wish you didn’t have to go,

But who am I to make that choice?

It was your time, whether we like it or not.

There are so many things I wish you could see

So many milestones I wish you were a part of

Over the years, I have found things to fill my heart

I am beginning to find peace.

So I sit now, and write this to you in Heaven.


I remember things about you

How beautiful you were

How gracious you were

How incredibly loved you were

I hope one day to have a fraction of the impact you had

It’s not fair that you’re gone

You didn’t deserve it

We didn’t deserve it

But the final certainty I have for today,

Is that you are in the most beautiful

The most glorious

The most incredibly place in existence.

You walk and run and dance through eternity

You watch from above,

You aren’t gone forever.

I will see you soon Mom.

I love you.

So I sit now, and write this to you in Heaven,

Knowing I will receive nothing in return.

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