You asked me how I am

You asked me how I am
I told you I'm fine
Because i know
You don't care about how I feel inside

There are thoughts that
Cause hot tears to form in my eyes
The same tears that refuse to fall
The same tears that show my pain

When I do cry, I don't tell anyone
I'm silent, and alone
I close myself up in my room
In this place I call home

Is it really “home”
Or just hell in disguise
I really can't tell
With the tears in my eyes

They're blurring my view
I can barely see a thing
The pain. I can't take it anymore
Its hurts too much within

I hide my pain,
‘I'm just sick’ I say
“I'm okay, really”
Not like anyone will worry anyway

I lost track of how many times
I looked at a knife
And thought about
Ending my life

I lost track of the number of tears
That fell off my face
And into my pillow
Where it got embraced

Everywhere I go,
I feel cold
Even in summer
When the sun is bold

I always lose
Even when I gain
All the sweets in the world
Can't take away the pain

All the love given to me
Can't heal my heart
All the fairytales and stories
Can't help me restart

I can't restart,
I have to keep going
I can't go back
I have to go forward

Why does surrounded by people
Always feel so lonely
And why being alone
Feels so refreshing

Why does sadness
Feel like happiness
And happiness
Feels like sadness

Who can see this darkness
Lurking within
Who can walk this path
In the shoes I'm walking in

If my life were different,
Would I still be like this
If I died,
The world would keep moving

Rain keeps falling,
Sun keeps shining,
Birds keep chirping,
And life goes on

But can you call it a life,
If you're dead inside?
Or should I consider myself
A dead among the living?

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