fate was stubborn

fate was stubborn

as day and night swallowed each other, I sank deeper
into the forbidden place,
and fornicated with death.
my soul became a sponge, absorbing my pain.
i tasted the Devil’s kiss, swallowing the backwash
of defiance, and became his puppet,
dancing on loose and weak strings.
i fell, until i could no longer stand alone.
i loaded a gun with a single bullet,
spun the chamber, it rolled evenly to a break;
the chamber came to a silent halt.
sweat stung my eyes and my tears wanted
to washed away any remembrance of me.
the trigger was squeezed, but nothing happened.
bewildered, i wanted to die even more,
and would do more until my life was invisble.
so, again, i spun the chamber,
and the trigger was squeezed,
but nothing happened.
fate, i decided, was stubborn. so, i aligned the bullet
with the trigger, and pulled,
but the bullet stood silent in the chamber once again,
leaving me alive to outlive love.