My depression

I look at myself studying every little thing,
it all bothers me,
Why am I like this?
Why can’t I like who I am?
Why can’t I fall asleep at night,
the voices in my head screaming at me.
Why do the things I have no control over haunt me?
I am always staring into space wondering if someone can actually help,
Or if they just say they can for the money,
And then go and tell me tough luck.

I always wonder what it would be like to die,
And it scares me but I still tried.
I’m scared to be alone but I don't like people,
they’re all out to get me in the end,
Aren't they?
I overthink because that’s my way of connecting the dots,
Of why I am actually here am I here to make a difference,
or am I just here for people to use me,
as a stepping stone to get where they need to be.

Sometimes I just wish for it all to go away,
For time to just stop.
Because the darkness is grabbing me by the throat,
Its grip is so tight I can’t get out of it.
It’s an everyday struggle for happiness,
It’s always just out of reach,
Maybe if I stretched a little more,
I could reach it and all the darkness would leave.

I can never reach my happiness I can’t stretch anymore,
I’m too exhausted.
I just want to stay in bed,
Because I don’t think the darkness can get me there,
And then I remember the darkness is everywhere.