Same Replay

I got to stop putting my trust into people
I know it's going to let me down.
why is my poetry filled with so much sadness, heartache and pain?
could it be me the one to actually blame;
as I sit and replay my life over and over :
I realize that I always fall for those words of pretend,
yet I force myself to believe they are real.
my insecurities take a toll on me and
I suddenly slip into deep depression.
but constantly I try to act like everything is okay,
when I'm deeply hurting inside my soul pure pain!
I'm the one to blame;
suicidal thoughts slowly escape to the surface and
It's a battle to not just end my life.
no one would care to miss me,
I'm not worthy of anything other than pain.
God please help me as I feel I'm about to go insane:
how did I let myself get here again?
my cousin warned me, my uncle warned me,
and even my mother warned me!
I rather die than to take this heartache from you;
why was it me that you chose to do this too?
damn you know everything I've already been through!
I thought that we both had a deep connection coming through.
I can't take being made to look like a fooll, again and again.
I never thought you were here to use and milk me blue;
but I have nothing but a heart of pure gold!
Tell me how does it feel to want someone for so long :
to finally get them,
then you turn around and play them for a fool.
was any of this real to you?
Boy did you have to have your cake and ice cream;
like my ex who played me too.
why do I deserve this from you?
I know I'm not that beautiful to you;
man you just killed me deep down inside.
Just tell me why why why because
my soul just died died died!