sometimes

yesterday was a good day,
the sun shone bright in my eyes
as i opened them in the morning.
when i brushed my teeth, i hummed
along to music. when i got dressed,
there was a smile on my face. i remember
it clearly. it reached my eyes.
when i stepped on the sidewalk, there was
a bounce in my step and it seemed like
everything was going to be alright.
so i kissed my lover and gave him all
my love, feeling nothing but happiness inside.
but sometimes,
i have bad days.

and these i feel in my core.
sometimes it feels as if i'm not seen
or listened to. sometimes i feel as if
i am just another body in the sea of people
around me, drifting away.

today. today was a bad day.
when i woke up and opened my eyes
the world around me shone bright for
a small second but, after that, it grew leaden.
i dragged myself out of bed, and brushed my teeth.
while i moved my arm up and down mechanically
a single tear fell from my left eye, and as i stared at
my eyes in the mirror i thought, why am i crying?
then i changed, which is when i accidentally
caught a glimpse of myself in the small mirror,
and repugnance filled my thoughts.
after, i stepped on the sidewalk, feet heavy as i
walked. and the only ray of light that shone from the sky
was when i kissed my lover and gave him my heart.
because after that, the sky grew dreary as i trudged
from classroom to classroom.
i stood in the crowd of people around me and my hand
lunged at my throat, i felt like i was sinking, drowning.
But i moved. i kept walking. and i made it. i am here.

sometimes, there are good days
sometimes, there are bad days

sometimes - ahtziri yamile 12519