teen

i feel selfish

i’m constantly worried about myself and what others will think of me

i don’t want to be here around people

these people

i hate the way i look

i thought i loved my body until my favorite pants didn’t fit

tight shirts never look good on me anymore

my teeth aren’t shiny and white like the others

there are bumps all over my face and stomach

“texture” my mom calls it

the black on my toes in my toes

the hair on my body is everywhere; scratchy,curly,tight

the dark circles surrounding my eyes are like a raccoon’s

the bags under them are loud and weary

my hair is long,lint filled and matted

my edges are never done

my damn forehead is too big for the ones i care about and the ones i feel numb too

when i see what i look like in the mirror i see it crack

my waist isn’t small enough my chest and butt aren’t big enough to get smashed

if i wear makeup i look like a pig if i don’t i look like I’m not put together

liking both genders is too greedy and against this “religion”

if i date a guy i’m disgusting and a fake bisexual

but when i date a girl i’m a lesbian a disgrace a sinner

if i commit to being a christian what will happen will i lose friends while making others happy

and if i don’t will i fall in and end up in “hell”

yet when i’m single i’m narcissistic and picky

when i see people in relationships i wonder what it’s like to actually love someone without lusting for them

if i have to answer a question in class and get it wrong i’m stupid but when i get above an 80 on a test i cheated and used ai

if only I had all a’s if only i could speak my mind

if i fail i’ll end up homeless ugly and alone but if i win i’m in debt and working ungodly hours until i’m 65

i don’t want to cry i hate the hot vinegar tears that run down my cheeks and the pounding in my head the guilt balled up in my throat the bubbling in my stomach i hate it

i hate it all

no one cares what you do but they make it their job to judge you with everything in their power

this decay these modern standards could be the death of me

I wish i wasn’t insecure